Bakhabaru Reporters to Brave Flood of Tears at Olympus

If there's one thing that can be said about Bakhabaru reporters, it's that they don't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. They don't know the meaning of sesquipedalian or dysania either and are a little fuzzy about a few other four-letter words but ‘fear’ is something they have yet to come across in a dictionary – owing mostly to the fact that they never bother to look into one and because for some strange reason Editor-in-Chief Ali Antenna has blocked access to all dictionary sites on the internet.

So when our beloved leader announced that he had two tickets to the most highly anticipated movie of the year, there were no shortages of hands reaching for the ceiling and choruses of “Me, me, oh pick me!” throughout the Bakhabaru office. The crescendo subsided into immediate, total and instant silence the second our beloved leader announced the name of the movie. Bakhabaru reporters may be fearless (or fuzzy on the meaning of the word) but they are not stupid (except in a few cases… ok, several cases).

Loyal Bakhabaru readers (all two of you) probably know what movie we are referring to. It’s definitely not The Dark Knight, or Wall-E or any other Hollywood blockbuster – they may be anticipated but they are not “highly” anticipated as far as Bakhabaru are concerned. The tickets were, of course, for the latest Dhivehi movie “Yoosuf” directed by popular local director Nahula.

Rampaging and pillaging barbarian hordes have been known to turn tail and retreat at the mention of her movies but as mentioned before, Bakhabaru reporters don’t know the meaning of many words, including several synonyms for fear. So it wasn’t surprising when Mohamed Headset stepped forward without hesitance to accept the tickets.

“I learnt my lesson the last time,” Mohamed Headset told Bakhabaru. “This time I will be equipped with raincoat, wellington boots, several boxes of tissues, sponges, a bucket, and an inflatable raft. I will not be washed out of the theatre in a flood of tears like during the screening of ‘Zuleykha’.”

After much debate and several chases around the office it was decided that accompanying him tonight to Olympus theatre will be former Evening Weekly movie reviewer Ahmed Rushdie, who also apparently never bothered to check dictionaries. Rushdie, who shot to fame after reviewing Seixon’s “Kiss the Jazbaath” and more recently Amjay’s “The Guest House: Room 201”, said he was looking forward to the challenge.

“It’s always a challenge to watch these new movies,” he said. “I try to see how long I can take it without snickering, giggling or finally bursting out into full blown cackling and howling laughter. I’ve never managed to sit through a single Dhivehi movie without succumbing to such fits of mirth, especially a Nahula comedy, but there’s always the challenge.”

Both these brave soldiers of the free-media will be equipped with the latest in communication technology and have undergone briefings on the several escape routes that are available to them if things go wrong during the movie. A Bakhabaru Control Centre has been established to monitor the heart-rate, blood-sugar levels, blood pressure and tear-duct activity of the two reporters during their mission. May random fluctuations in the space-time continuum help them survive the ordeal long enough to write a review for the movie. Amen.