Headset & Rushdie still in coma after ‘Mission: Uppe’

Bakhabaru lost two of its “greatest assets” in one fell swoop during Sunday night’s mission to review Nahula’s latest movie ‘Yoosuf’, according to Bakhabaru Editor-in-Chief Ali Antenna.

“This is a shocking and tragic loss for the Bakhabaru team,” Ali Antenna said in an email he wrote to all the staff at Bakhabaru but neglected to send, possibly due to being overcome with grief. “It will cost us quite a bundle to replace them.”

The two Acer brand Core 2 Quad desktop PCs, tricked out with the latest in graphic and sound hardware, enabling them to run the latest games at blazing fast frame-rates, were destroyed in a bizarre accident involving two hamsters, an internal combustion engine, one bent spoon, and a small wheel.

“It is my sad duty to notify everyone that the purchasing of the billiards table in time for Ramazan will be delayed due to this tragic and inconsolable loss,” Ali continued in the email. “In the short time that the two computers were able to serve us before the unfortunate accident took them away from us so prematurely and permanently, they were able to provide us, especially me, with hours of entertainment. I wonder if exploding hamsters are covered by the warranty.”

In slightly related news, two Bakhabaru reporters who were sent to Olympus Theatre on a top secret mission codenamed “Uppe” to write a review of ‘Yoosuf’, have not yet regained consciousness after quietly, and quite happily, slipping into a coma around the two and half hour mark of the movie.

When asked about the two unconscious reporters, Ali said that he was doing everything he could to ensure that their status remained stable, constant and unchanged.

“To be honest for a change, I really don’t see much difference between their current state and their state pre-Yoosuf,” he said. “But I’m inclined to agree with everyone here and say that they are bit more useful in their current state than when they were awake and about. Headset is astonishingly effective as a doorstop and most seem to agree that Rushdie is actually more comfortable than the old creaking sofa in the meeting room.”

Although doctors are unsure when or even if the two reporters would regain consciousness – largely owing to the fact that no doctors have been consulted so far – Ali is confident that the review of Yoosuf will be uploaded as soon as the two unconscious reporters come to their senses, or at least regain consciousness, and are debriefed. The statement was met with some amount of disbelief and skepticism among Bakhabaru staff since it was widely known that neither Headset nor Rushdie wore briefs.