‘Winchester boys’ arrive in Makunudhoo to exorcise evil jinn

The two leads from the popular TV reality show ‘Supernatural’, Sam and Dean Winchester, have arrived in Makunudhoo Island in Maldives to hunt the jinn or jinns responsible for the evil that has been plaguing the island for the past few weeks, fearless Bakhabaru reporter Ahmed Satellite in Makudhoo has reported fearlessly.

Sam and Dean were invited based on their background in being involved in many such weird situations and their track record of having kicked many a supernatural ass, an anonymous official from the Education Ministry told Mr. Satellite.

“Let’s face it,” the official who couldn’t possibly be called Ismail something or other said. “All that the local black magicians we hired have so far turned up is a bottle that has seen better days, possibly a lawsuit from Greenpeace for cutting down a perfectly harmless and shady tree, and a school ground full of potholes. In short, they’ve done zilch to stop this thing. It was high time to call on the big boys who don’t muck about.”

He said that at first they had tried to get a hold of Mulder and Scully but they were too busy shooting a new X-Files movie.

Fearless Bakhabaru reporter Ahmed Satellite was waiting at the jetty when the dynamic supernatural ass-kicking duo arrived on the island and managed to get extremely relevant and insightful information from them using his inquisitive and unmatched interviewing skills.

“It’s beautiful,” said Dean Winchester, responding to Satellite’s astonishingly original question which was: ‘How do you like the Maldives so far?’ After being assured that they would definitely come back to Maldives if they wanted a vacation Satellite finally allowed the Winchesters to proceed with their task.

“It’s pretty standard stuff,” Sam Winchester told a totally annoying reporter from some other newspaper, who kept asking irrelevant questions like if they knew what they were facing, while Satellite was trying to do important stuff like get Dean to pose in various macho looking poses. “The kids are being possessed by some supernatural force but unlike what we are used to there are no special effects involved here. I guess Maldivians haven’t really made that much headway in the visual effects department yet but we are cool with it. The telepathy between those affected is pretty standard and the Exorcist-like thrashing around isn’t anything we haven’t seen before. But I do hope there’s no pea soup involved.”

“What do you think is causing all these young teenage girls around here to faint and drop like flies?” asked another annoying reporter from some annoying TV channel.

“Me,” said Dean smiling, as two other teenage girls nearby swooned. He also later laughed hysterically at the news that the residents had destroyed a bottle that was alleged to be the hex that was causing all the problems in the island.

“Oh come on!” he said. “That’s so cliché. Of course it could be true, but whoever did that must really have a good sense of humour. ‘Genie in a bottle’? Really now. Just how gullible are these island folk anyway?”

Very, would probably be the answer, Satellite reports, as residents of the island seem to be ready to do whatever it takes to get rid of the curse. So it wasn’t too surprising to hear the sound of Christina Aguilera’s ‘Genie in a Bottle’ being played loudly in one house while right next door the sound of ‘salawat’ and the Holy Quran being recited even louder could be heard.

As a purely personal psychological experiment, Satellite had even suggested to some of the elder folk in the island that jinn were known to be scared away by people who wear red underwear over their clothes on Wednesdays. The results of the experiment were too embarrassing to reveal to the world, Satellite reported poker-faced.

Although the situation in Makunudhoo has been getting worse day by day, there’s nothing that can’t be made worse by mixing politics into it. As such, wannabe-President Anni made headlines at Bakhabaru when he, to the total lack of surprise from anyone, blamed President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom for the problem.

“It’s Maumoon’s fault!” Anni yelled with his eyes wide and index finger jabbing the air. “I don’t know how or why but it is! It’s always Maumoon’s fault!”

The outcry might have gone unheeded if not for some recently uncovered information that points to an ‘old hex’ that has been buried in the island.

“We have found a spell or curse that was buried in the island a long, long time ago,” one of the black magicians initially hired to add fuel to the mass hysteria and to make the situation worse in the island said. “It was buried maybe around 30 or so years ago, give or take a few years. And here’s the kicker: Who is it that we know who dabbles in the supernatural and was on this island during those days? Why, President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom, of course! Serving his banishment sentence right here! Now, I’m not implying anything but with this news of an old curse having surfaced I think it’s definitely a thought to ponder on.”

President Maumoon however dismissed the connection.

“It’s absolutely hogwash!” he said. “Silly hogwash, I say! Simply not true at all. I didn’t bury any hexes in Makunudhoo. I never did! I have a map that shows exactly where I buried all my hexes so I know this for a fact. This is just baseless allegations. Maybe it’s my evil-twin, Dictator Golhaabo, who did it!”

Ahmed Satellite has resolved to stay in Makunudhoo until the situation resolves itself and will be continuously sending updates on his quest to find Dean’s phone number and whether he has a girlfriend.

In unrelated news, Haabee groups in Maldives have declared a ban on the CW Network channel which airs such popular shows as Supernatural and Smallville. They claim that the CW logo bears too much resemblance to the Arabic word for Allah. The Playboy Channel remains open though, much to general relief among Haabee circles.