Not to be outdone by Steven Spielberg and his latest Indiana Jones movie, President Chotey launched his own potential blockbuster titled “President Chotey and the Master Plan of Drug Control” at a ceremony held at the FHS some days back. He highlighted the phrase “Master Plan of Drug Control” by using air-quotes. The “Master Plan” (not air-quotes, real ones this time) aims to control the spread of narcotic drugs more evenly throughout the Maldives, President Chotey told Bakhabaru and some giant purple spiders that Bakhabaru reporters later admitted could very well have been a hallucination caused by the strange cake they had eaten just before the interview.
“The Master Plan is deceptively simple actually, as most things are,” President Chotey told Bakhabaru reporters while downright refusing to acknowledge the presence of the giant purple spiders. “It’s a stroke of genius, even if I say so myself. With this “Master Plan” (air-quotes gesture used here as well) I will have absolute control over the amount of narcotic drugs that are imported into the country with the simple press of a button... depending on how hard I press. Admittedly, the tech-team couldn’t make it any simpler so I guess I will have to get around to learning how to press the button. This will be a big help because right now I have to control the flow of drugs via SMS and my brand new million dollar mobile phone sucks!”
He also said that the new Master Plan will also incorporate a big red lever next to his bed which will allow him to completely stop the flow of drugs into Maldives… if he so desired.
“When I pull on the lever, all the Ministers and high officials in the Government will be notified to stop importing drugs, or else!” President Chotey explained the mechanics behind the big red lever. “Needless to say the lever will be used only in extreme cases, such as during the Presidential elections.”
President Chotey assured the people of Maldives that he would personally oversee the implementation of the “Master Plan” in collaboration with the concerned Government agencies and possibly the giant spiders which had now grown to twice their former size and were available in all the colours of the rainbow.
“Drug abuse is today among the biggest problems facing the country. Right next to Umar Naseer, Anni and the Advocates of the Lengthy Beard and Truncated Trousers (ALBTT),” President Chotey said. “We must redouble our efforts to fight against these menaces that are depriving the good citizens from getting their well deserved high, and success hinges on multi-agency and multi-sector cooperation, whatever that means… who writes this crap anyway? Have him fired! From a cannon, if possible. Each and every one of us are FRIKKING GIANT PURPLE SPIDERS and I’m the Father of the Master gloook peeb Plangbloolg snickle and balllkaagagg fleeeeeeeb!” he said happily, much to general rejoicing.
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kekkek someone had too much space cake i see
ReplyDeletePresident Chotey is doing his best to get air time on all tvs and radios in the country, come on, give him a break! It's an election year!
ReplyDeleteDude, you should take this show on TV or radio. Like a talk show or something. I'd tune in regularly.
ReplyDeleteThis is clearly a very not so subtle attempt to put the blame for the drug problem on the head of the Government. If you had any idea how things really worked in Maldives you wouldn't have made such an idiotic assumption. For example, most of the people who have been arrested for trafficking huge amounts of drugs into Maldives so far have no connections to the Government whatsoever. Maybe you should research things a bit before throwing around accusations like this.
ReplyDeleteconcerned citizen looks like the so called "informed guy" with so much knowledge about "how it works" in Maldives. I wonder why he cannot stop drug trafficking.
ReplyDeleteconcerned traitor. do you think president chotey and his deputy loan star would allow any police office to carry an investigation linking to so called government officials. where did all corruption reports, mifco counter fiet, fpid and all go in the end. we are not stupid.so shut up.
ReplyDeletehis HIGHness is all powerful!
ReplyDeleteGO BAKHABARU!
ReplyDelete(no, dont start walking with a confused look, that was just a cheer!)