Cyborg Mahir to remove egg-shooter for day in Court

by Ahmed Satellite in London

‘Cyborg’ Abdulla Mahir has agreed to allow MDP doctors and technicians to detach the cybernetic projectile launcher built into his arm before he goes before magistrates in Central London to face charges of taking egg-shots at President Gayoom.

Cyborg Mahir, as he is popularly known, recently made headlines when he tried to shoot the Maldivian President with his patented ‘poultry bomb’ projectile launcher during the President’s address to the Royal Commonwealth Society in London.

Mahir, currently at Version 3.2 of his upgrade to ultimately becoming a complete and fully functional cybernetic organism, went through two previous stages before achieving the technological capability required for the projectile launcher to be built into his arm.

During his initial upgrade to Version 1.0, Mahir had been installed with a cybernetic backbone, after he lost his real one in a game of Extreme Strip Poker with Umar Naseer, President of the oxymoronic Islamic Democratic Party. After losing his backbone, Mahir had been left for dead by Umar Naseer in an empty shack used for stripping uncooperative players.

As luck would have it, rival political party the Maldivian Democratic Party had rescued him and enlisted him for a top secret project known only to a few and called Operation Yellow Fever, under which Mahir had been grown a new metallic backbone and upgraded to ‘Backbone’ Mahir status. With the upgrade, ‘Backbone’ Mahir managed to accumulate enough courage to stand on his own two feet. Later on he was upgraded to ‘Egg’ Mahir status, which provided him with the necessary motor skill and articulation required to throw poultry projectiles with unerring accuracy at any hapless target. Some months later, MDP techno-wizards were able to upgrade him to ‘Cyborg’ Mahir status, and fitted the lethal and infamous projectile-launcher to his arm.

During the incident at Royal Commonwealth Society, Mahir had had used the cloaking ability built into his robot body to enter the Society in stealth mode. However he had been forced to drop the cloaking in order to use the projectile launcher and had been immediately rugby tackled by thousands of Gayoom’s bodyguards. But not before he had managed to shoot a few hen grenades at the unsuspecting President. It took a thousand bodyguards and a few Autobots to finally restrain Cyborg Mahir.

Cyborg Mahir said that he was pissed with the President because he had during a speech referred to him as ‘hen-pecked’; an insult that Mahir has never managed to get over.

“I will show him who is hen-pecked! Gayoom cannot hide from me,” Cyborg Mahir told Bakhabaru reporters a few days ago from his robotic fortress in the UK. “My cybernetic body is equipped with sensors and radars and whatnot that can track him down wherever he goes. The tech team is now working on a heat-seeking, DNA specific, egg projectile that will zero in on Gayoom wherever he is. Give me a few months and there’s nowhere in the world he can hide from my hen grenades!”

He also admitted that the surprise attack had been just a warning. “If I wanted to hit him, I could have!” he said. “The calculations are done instantly by computer and so it was on purpose I missed him. I was being a nice cyborg!”

If convicted, Mahir might be punished with being downgraded to Version 2.0 or having to work as an excavator at a construction site.