Police accuse suspicious looking bottle of alcohol possession

by Ahmed Satellite, reporting happily from the scene

The Maldives Police Service has arrested a suspicious looking bottle lurking under some trees near Dharubaaruge and accused it of being in possession of alcohol at the time of arrest.

According to a media official from the Maldives Police Service, the suspicious looking bottle that had been taken into Police custody last night had been disguised as a harmless looking Kinley water bottle. However the disguise had failed to fool the eagle-eyed cops who had drunk the contents of several bottles discarded in the area (including a bottle containing an unidentified yellow coloured liquid that smelled strongly of ammonia) before finally arresting the bottle based on evidence found at the scene.

“It was immediately apparent to the officers that the bottle contained alcohol,” the media official said. “The officers on patrol found the bottle exactly where they had discarded it after a late night out some hours earlier. But due to their jovial mood and the god-awful singing it took them through several various other bottles before they chanced upon it again. Several Police officers at the scene managed to identify the bottle on sight, so we were positive about the contents of the bottle even before we took the by then empty bottle to our forensics lab for more tests to ascertain that it was in fact a bottle.”

The media official said that the exact words from the officer who had rediscovered the suspicious looking bottle near the tree were: “Shureeekah! (hic) I havesh… found… (hic) itsh!”

According to Haveeru another bottle believed to contain vodka had been smashed on the seawall near the surfing area in Male by an unidentified group, much to the exasperation of Police who had arrived at the scene too late to save even an ounce of the liquid. For use as evidence, of course.

There has been no word from MDP on whether they wanted an autopsy carried out on the bottle pronto, as the Chairperson of the party, Mohamed Nasheed, was being given a ride by the Police at the time.