MDP’s Play-Acting President’s ‘License to Titillate’ revoked in Maldives

By Mohamed Headset

Play-Acting President of the MeloDrama Party, Ibrahim Hussain Zaki’s ‘License to Titillate’ was revoked Tuesday evening at Hulhule Airport as he was returning to the country after conquering several international melodrama festivals and reducing ecstatic audiences to tears and jelly with his overwhelming performances. Typically, the Play-Acting President, famous equally for his deadpan expressions and over-the-top theatricals, promptly burst into tears and proceeded to go into rotating bouts of theatrics and hysterics when he was informed of the decision by the Customs officials at the Airport, much to the delight of the arriving tourists and the locals at Hulhule.

“Ah, woe is me!” Zaki wailed, leaning dramatically against one of the pillars in the Arrivals terminal with the back of his hand posed theatrically against his forehead. “Alas and alack, why have thou forsaken me?”

Both tourists and terminal staff applauded loudly, inciting Zaki, a born thespian, for an encore which he acceded to by switching personas instantly and proclaiming loudly his signature outburst which he has become famous for: “This act is undoubtedly politically motivated! The government is just jealous that I am the better actor!” His finger punched several holes in the air as he repeatedly jabbed it into the air. Despite the absence of a James Horner score in the background, eyewitnesses swore that they had heard a rousing piece, not unlike the background music of Titanic, during his performance in their minds.

When Bakhabaru reporters called up President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom for a comment, he said: “I guess it’s okay if you go in for that sort of thing. Personally, I prefer a more restrained performance. Zaki's a bit too much of a drama-queen for my liking! Plus, there were no deafening explosions or gore!”

Winner of this year's Best Actor Award at the National Film Festival, Ali Seezan wasn't impressed either and called Zaki's performance 'unwarranted'.

"It's because of people like him that we Maldivian actors are not being taken seriously," said Seezan, who was being taken very seriously by the Maldivian public after directing his latest movie, "Kiss the Jazbaath".

It is unknown at the moment what had prompted the confiscation of Zaki’s ‘License to Titillate’, his only known Achilles’ heel, and Immigration officials would only say that the orders had come from their Headquarters. When asked where the Headquarters were located they promptly replied, with an expression on their faces that Zaki would have envied: “On top of the Bodyquarters!” (...wiseguys!)

So far Aslam Rasheed has not revealed any plans to make a movie based on the incident. But his adoring public are keeping their fingers crossed.