Maldives Customs report alarming rise in expatriates impersonating Sir Phillip Green

By Mohamed Headset

Maldives Customs Services have revealed to Bakhabaru that an alarming number of expatriate workers coming into the country had been impersonating British business tycoon Sir Philip Green and other famous billionaires “for some inexplicable reason”. According to Customs they have by now apprehended 7 expatriates since becoming aware of the situation last Wednesday. They also said that all of the expatriates, from various countries including Sri Lanka, India, Bangladesh, Nepal and United Kingdom, to a man had all been also trying to smuggle various items of worship, belonging to religions other than Islam, into the country.

“We first became aware of the situation when two expatriates, one right after the other, claimed to be Sir Phillip Green, the business magnate,” said an official at the Immigration counter at the Male International Airport who wanted to be referred to only as Ahmed Shaad. “The staff there that day didn’t know what Sir Phillip Green looked like so he had just let an Indian who claimed to be Sir Green in disguise pass without checking his baggage and confiscating the golden cross pendant he was wearing. And so when the very next person in line also claimed to be Sir Green he suddenly became very suspicious but let him go too in case the earlier one had been the real fraud.”

Shaad said that over the last week he himself had let several people from various countries into Maldives without checking their baggage or confiscating some of the religious items that they had been wearing or carrying.

“Heck, how was I to know if that guy really wasn’t Bill Gates or David Copperfield?” said Shaad, defensively. “I don’t know what they look like. For all I know they could have been who they said they were and who am I to stop them? I can’t afford to get into that kind of trouble. They don’t pay me enough for that.”

Another staff at the Immigration counter even showed Bakhabaru reporters an autograph they had gotten from someone who appeared to be Michael Jackson.

“It was very exciting,” said a Customs official who asked that he not be named. “I could never have guessed it; his disguise was amazing. But that’s only logical, did you see him disguise himself as the fat man in that Ghost video? He looked exactly like a Sri Lankan, down to the mannerism and accent. He only exposed his secret to me when I wouldn’t let him bring the Holy Bible he had in his luggage. So I immediately got his autograph and let him go. Everyone knows that in Maldives, billionaires and millionaires are exempt from any religious law. Sad thing is his autograph was also in Singhalese so most people don’t believe me when I tell them I had Michael Jackson’s autograph.”

Bakhabaru was able to track down an expatriate worker from Bangladesh who claimed that he had been able to import a Buddha statue into the country on the pretense that it was for birthday bash of Sir Philip Green’s wife, which was to be held at the President’s Palace in Male the next day. To his surprise he had even got a Police escort to Male.

“It was touch and go at one point,” said the Bangladeshi called Yoosuf Islam. “The Buddha was actually for a friend of mine. Every time he had come into Maldives the Customs officials had confiscated his Buddhas and so when we heard that billionaires and millionaires were exempt from the religious law we immediately hatched a plan. And as you can see, it was very successful plan. Another of my friends has also been bringing beautiful exotic girls from Bangkok and other countries for use as personal escorts to these ‘millionaires’. He says it’s a thriving business as most of the wealthier men in the country are lining up for a chance at these ‘dancing girls’.”

Customs has said that they have been making a list of the wealthiest men in the world and showing their staff pictures of the billionaires so that poor expatriate workers coming into the country won’t be able to impersonate them anymore.

“It’s only the wealthy who can make Maldives their personal playground,” said a high ranking Government official and Minister, who preferred to remain anonymous. “It’s unforgivable that cheap, poor expats from these neighboring countries are pretending to be rich and importing whatever they want into the country. At this rate we won’t be even receive a cut from all the drugs that are imported into Maldives either; not if everyone can now import it under the pretence of being rich! It’s disgraceful!”

Another government official also told Bakhabaru on condition of anonymity that they were doing everything humanly possible to put a stop the ‘illegal’ import of drugs. “It just won’t do at all. We are doing everything we can to make sure that these little fishes aren’t able to saturate the market with their cheap drugs. We only import top quality drugs and we make a fortune from every shipment. What will happen to our market if these Customs staffs are so incompetent? A solution has to be found at once. A gathering of the wealthiest businessmen in the country are working on a solution as I speak. We’ve even put a halt on the production of forged Rf 500 notes while we deal with this crisis.”

Most of the staff at the Airport said that the current plan to post posters of the wealthiest people in the world at the Airports will not work since most of the imposters say that they are going incognito anyway and look nothing like they should. There has been no official word from any government authority regarding the issue so far.