by Mohamed Headset
Just minutes after the world’s first underwater Cabinet meeting concluded in Maldives today, a press release was issued by the office of the former president Maumoon Abdul Gayoom, stating that once he returned to power he would hold a “sky-boarding, extreme cricketing Cabinet meeting over Malé”.
Apparently, the former President wasn’t in the least bit impressed or envious about President Nasheed’s underwater Cabinet meeting and all the media attention surrounding the event and said as much in the second sentence of the first paragraph of the press release.
“Honestly, I’m not J! Am not! Uh-uh! Not in the least. We’ve scheduled our sky-boarding, extreme cricket Cabinet meeting to coincide with the first anniversary of the end of the world,” the press release from the former president’s office said. “Make no mistake: I didn’t plan this extremely epic event in an effort to outdo President Anni’s lame snorkeling fiasco. On December 21, 2013, after I get elected as President of Maldives once again, I will take part in the world’s first ever Cabinet meeting to be held while freefalling over Malé on skysurfing boards from over 50,000 feet and we’ll be playing cricket at the same time. BEAT THAT, ANNI!!! Oh yeah, you better believe it’s on, brah! You’ve been served! Word!”
After going on and on like that for a couple of paragraphs, the press release finally returned to track long enough to say that the event would “show the people that I can be waaaay cooler and hipper than Anni while at the same time creating awareness around the world about the global cataclysm that ended the world! It’s all about world peace… or pieces, depending on how things are then.”
The press release further stated that ex-president Gayoom was a little saddened that most of the Maldivians alive now would not be alive by then to see the epic event, but that he would try to remember each and every one of those people who still believed in him and would vote him into power come the next election.
“For all those who still believe that I’m doing this just to get one up on Anni, I will have to say that the event had been in the works for years,” the statement read. “This is all part of my Vision 2020 program. You can check out my Masterplan even; a video version will be available on YouTube soon. Once the world ends, the people of Maldives will need a youthful and strong leader to take them back to the glory days of old, i.e. before Anni became President and messed up everything. And obviously, I am that person. Peace out! – Your once and future President”