Editorial: Nizam VS Nizam

by Ali Antenna

I’ve been getting a few emails from readers asking me where Bakhabaru stands on the two systems of governments that are on offer in the coming referendum. I thought I’d answer the question here.

To be honest, I don’t care what system of government (SOG) is implemented in the country. There I said it, I don’t care. It makes no difference to me what political party comes into power or what Prime Minister of President gets to hold the reins of the country. I am not interested in finding out about their differences and and as a result I probably know less about both systems than even the average Maldivian, who apparently are not very educated about it either. But my ignorance makes them look like PhD holders in political science. I revel in my ignorance.

As far as I am concerned all the political parties are just in it for the money and (unless of course I ever run for a seat, God forbid) a new president or a Prime Minister will be just as bad as the little guy with the incredibly long lifespan that we currently have to suffer through. What I really want is a proper democracy… that’s all. If it comes attached to a Prime Minister or President is no concern of mine. Both systems are in itself great and no worse than the other.

So what is my stand? Well, come referendum day, it’s going to be a case of “eeny, meeny, miny, mo!” for me. Of course, I don’t speak for the rest of the Bakhabaru staff; I have no idea which Nizam they are going to vote for. Personally, I’ve never seen them taking a stand on any of the Nizams on offer. In fact, I’ve never even seen most of them personally.

Once, I almost made up my mind to vote Riyaasee when I saw a poster that showed a lot of Maldivian filmstars standing together and making a ‘pistol sign’ (I realize now that it is the sign for Barulamaanee Nizam, go figure) and saying that they were for Barulamaanee Nizam. On one corner of the poster there was Muhamma Kalo in a blue shirt jostling Kuda Khajja, and probably grabbing her ass from behind to boot, and right then and there I decided I was going to vote for Riyasee Nizam, despite the name that when translated sounds like ‘Riya’s shit’?! There it was; reason enough not to vote for Barulamaanee: Muhamma Kalo! Any party who thought having the No. 1 Street Harassment Promoter in Maldives with the disgustingly creepy sense of humour was the best person to represent their SOG was not going to find a supporter in me!

Later, while out on the roads of Male’ I came across another poster on which film director Nahula was smiling and calling on everyone to vote Riyaasee! Now I was torn… how could I vote for Riyaasee now when our local sobfest producing film director was promoting it? What’s a guy to do? Which Nizam is right for me? Are both just as bad? Should I even bother to go and vote? Man, I gotta go do a Kudakamudhaa Nizam followed by a Bodukamudhaa Nizam to think this through…