Following the news that the names of many dead Maldivians had been included in the electoral register for the August 18 referendum, the Elections Commissioner has said that the dead Maldivians will just have to vote.
“I’m sorry but there’s no help for it,” said Elections Commissioner KD Ahmed Maniku speaking at a press conference held to address the issue today. “The dead Maldivians will just have to vote now. The alternative to fix the system is too time consuming and difficult to do. This is the only option remaining for us now.”
The Commissioner also responded to the questions about rumours that many Maldivians who were alive had not been included in the register. “They have probably not been born yet. Or they are now dead and just don’t know it yet,” he said and then went on to detail the steps they have taken to make sure that everything was fine by the referendum date.
“We have assembled two teams to handle the situation,” Ahmed Maniku said. “We have a Graveyard Squad and an Eraser Squad. The job of the Graveyard Squad will be to exhume all the people in the cemeteries who are on our list and to make sure they look presentable and ready to vote Riyaasee by August 18. The Eraser Squad will have the unenviable job of getting rid of the people who are not on our list. It will be quick and painless so there is no need to worry. I have assigned Adam Zahir to lead the Squad and everyone knows he is a master at such missions. I'm sure between ourselves we will have everything just fine and dandy by the deadline. Don't worry about it. It's being handled.”
When one of the Bakhabaru reporters present at the press conference commented that it would be easier to change the computer file the Commissioner retorted “You think so? Ok, then you do it. Here’s the manual; let’s see how easy you find it!” and threw a 50,000 page tome onto the table that caused the table’s legs to give way, causing it to crash onto the floor with a... well, a crash. The press conference promptly came to an abrupt finish.
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Wow! Now I know how Maumoon always got over 90% of votes.
ReplyDeleteROFL! My goodness, why haven't I ever come across this blog before!? This is the funniest thing ever made by Maldivians.. I've been laughing non-stop for the past two hours going through the Bahabaru site and laughing my head off. I even got my siblings together and we all laughed ourselves silly. This is just what we have been needing all this time, a blog that takes nothing seriously and knows how to be intentionally funny. It was like reading a Terry Pratchett novel and it seems like the Bahabaru team does read those books coz I see similar jokes here, Keep up the good work and keep us laughing. You've made fans out of this entire household.
ReplyDeleteHilarious, though lot shorter than ur normal posts. Njoyed a lot.
ReplyDeleteThanks... we like to mix the long with the short a little bit. We've come to realise that some of our readers are very busy people and others have really short attention spans, so in this way we try to cater to them all.
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