Ali Antenna, reporting from Glasglow, Scotland
The apparently omniscience editor of fellow spoof-news (but infinitely more popular) website, Dhivehi Observer, has been crowned with a set of Who's Who tomes, Minivan News has reported.
The apparently omniscience editor of fellow spoof-news (but infinitely more popular) website, Dhivehi Observer, has been crowned with a set of Who's Who tomes, Minivan News has reported.Bakhabaru reporters stumbled over themselves to be the first to get a first hand comment from the self-exiled editor, Ahmed Moosa (Sappe'), but it was Ali Antenna who was the first to reach the palatial mansion in Glasglow, Scotland where Sappe' resides in self-exiled solitude.
When Bakhabaru reporter met with Sappe', the first question he posed was how Sappe' felt now.
"Better..." Sappe' said. "But I really felt it you know. It was a really huge tome. When you get crowned with something like that you are bound to feel it for some time. I still have a headache but things are better now." He paused as he shifted the huge ice pack on his head to the side and made himself more comfortable in his oversized and expensive couch by wiggling his butt into it. Only his mouth was visible under the icepack.
"It is a huge honour, you know," he mumbled, through the pack. "Not every body gets hits with one. You have to be really special. But this will not hinder my effort to spread fake news and libel all over my country, which if I had even given a tuna's tail about, would have meant that I wouldn't be able to enjoy all the riches I currently enjoy that the unlucky Maldivians can only dream about."
Many Maldivians believe that Sappe' has limited god-like powers that enable him to see everything that happens all over Maldives as it happens. And he has used these powers to unmask and defame and spread libel about many top government officials in his capacity as editor of DO. With these powers he has been known to report on things that has never happened, will never happen, and most often on things that are not happening in Maldives as he writes it. He has been known to make weather forecasts that are as inaccurate as the ones made by the Meteorology Department in Maldives and is always the first to bring the news of any happenings in the Maldives that are even remotely linked to politics, or even if it isn't. Lately his website has come under fire by locals for only publishing borrowed articles from other news sites. Sappe countered this by saying that if anyone thought they could do a better job of it they were welcome to try since he was on an indefinite break at the moment.
When asked if he had seen it coming, he made a scoffing noise.
"Of course, I knew," he said. "I am omniscience after all. I saw the tome coming a long way off, but that doesn't mean I could dodge it in time. I am not omnipotent... yet. I believe this is a cowardly act by incumbent President Golhaabo since he wasn't in on the list of the people named in the Who's Who's Who's Who's... sorry, I never know when to stop... anyway, in it's latest edition. Last week, my toilet wouldn't flush, and it was a huge stinky emergency at my palace. It was Golhaabo's fault too. And the time that my rubber ducky sank into my bathtub. It's lucky I live near a Fire Station. No telling what might have happened to little Sappe' That was Golhaabo's fault too!"
Afterwards confused Bakhabaru reporter politely asked Sappe about this new President and which country he was the President of, but Sappe' was temporarily unable to talk due the steam coming from his ears and froth bubbling at his mouth. Bakhabaru has since then been able to verify that Golhaabo was actually Sappe's pet name for the President of Maldives and several articles on DO subsequently made a lot more sense. After Sappe' gained back his ability to talk, albeit a little slurred after downing several bottles of high quality Scotch whiskey, he confided to Bakhabaru the origin of his own nickname which he had become very fond of.
"You shee, even back when I wash a sheenager, I never had much hair on my head... one day while flaying fooshball in Maldivsh someone mistakenly grabbed my head and kicked it. I travelled a conshiderable dishtansh and shinsh the act of kicking the ball in Maldivsh is called "shappu jehun", they nicknamed me Shappe. It wash very funny. It wash after the kick to my head that I... my powersh shtarted manishesht... maniteshfi... mani... anyway, I got my powersh!"
Later, speaking to Minivan News, who surprisingly didn't arrive in a minivan, Shappe' shaid... said: “I bring fake news to the Maldives. I bring the news that people in the Maldives want to hear. They are starved for entertainment. I want my people to be misinformed and make misinformed decisions. I don’t want them to be kept in the dark like I am.”
When asked what he thought about the many Maldivians who believed everything that was published on DO, he said curtly: "DKDC." --Don't know, don't care!
According to Minivannews.com, Dhivehi Observer is "universally known as D-O" but when Bakhabaru reporters contacted some Martians and Venusians to confirm the statement both the Martians and Venusians denied having even heard of it and said Minivan News must have gotten it confused with B.O.
When Bakhabaru reporter met with Sappe', the first question he posed was how Sappe' felt now.
"Better..." Sappe' said. "But I really felt it you know. It was a really huge tome. When you get crowned with something like that you are bound to feel it for some time. I still have a headache but things are better now." He paused as he shifted the huge ice pack on his head to the side and made himself more comfortable in his oversized and expensive couch by wiggling his butt into it. Only his mouth was visible under the icepack.
"It is a huge honour, you know," he mumbled, through the pack. "Not every body gets hits with one. You have to be really special. But this will not hinder my effort to spread fake news and libel all over my country, which if I had even given a tuna's tail about, would have meant that I wouldn't be able to enjoy all the riches I currently enjoy that the unlucky Maldivians can only dream about."
Many Maldivians believe that Sappe' has limited god-like powers that enable him to see everything that happens all over Maldives as it happens. And he has used these powers to unmask and defame and spread libel about many top government officials in his capacity as editor of DO. With these powers he has been known to report on things that has never happened, will never happen, and most often on things that are not happening in Maldives as he writes it. He has been known to make weather forecasts that are as inaccurate as the ones made by the Meteorology Department in Maldives and is always the first to bring the news of any happenings in the Maldives that are even remotely linked to politics, or even if it isn't. Lately his website has come under fire by locals for only publishing borrowed articles from other news sites. Sappe countered this by saying that if anyone thought they could do a better job of it they were welcome to try since he was on an indefinite break at the moment.
When asked if he had seen it coming, he made a scoffing noise.
"Of course, I knew," he said. "I am omniscience after all. I saw the tome coming a long way off, but that doesn't mean I could dodge it in time. I am not omnipotent... yet. I believe this is a cowardly act by incumbent President Golhaabo since he wasn't in on the list of the people named in the Who's Who's Who's Who's... sorry, I never know when to stop... anyway, in it's latest edition. Last week, my toilet wouldn't flush, and it was a huge stinky emergency at my palace. It was Golhaabo's fault too. And the time that my rubber ducky sank into my bathtub. It's lucky I live near a Fire Station. No telling what might have happened to little Sappe' That was Golhaabo's fault too!"
Afterwards confused Bakhabaru reporter politely asked Sappe about this new President and which country he was the President of, but Sappe' was temporarily unable to talk due the steam coming from his ears and froth bubbling at his mouth. Bakhabaru has since then been able to verify that Golhaabo was actually Sappe's pet name for the President of Maldives and several articles on DO subsequently made a lot more sense. After Sappe' gained back his ability to talk, albeit a little slurred after downing several bottles of high quality Scotch whiskey, he confided to Bakhabaru the origin of his own nickname which he had become very fond of.
"You shee, even back when I wash a sheenager, I never had much hair on my head... one day while flaying fooshball in Maldivsh someone mistakenly grabbed my head and kicked it. I travelled a conshiderable dishtansh and shinsh the act of kicking the ball in Maldivsh is called "shappu jehun", they nicknamed me Shappe. It wash very funny. It wash after the kick to my head that I... my powersh shtarted manishesht... maniteshfi... mani... anyway, I got my powersh!"
Later, speaking to Minivan News, who surprisingly didn't arrive in a minivan, Shappe' shaid... said: “I bring fake news to the Maldives. I bring the news that people in the Maldives want to hear. They are starved for entertainment. I want my people to be misinformed and make misinformed decisions. I don’t want them to be kept in the dark like I am.”
When asked what he thought about the many Maldivians who believed everything that was published on DO, he said curtly: "DKDC." --Don't know, don't care!
According to Minivannews.com, Dhivehi Observer is "universally known as D-O" but when Bakhabaru reporters contacted some Martians and Venusians to confirm the statement both the Martians and Venusians denied having even heard of it and said Minivan News must have gotten it confused with B.O.
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Genius!! i almost fell out of my chair laughing!! finally a site thats actually intelligently funny! keep it up.
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