President Gayoom surprises everyone, including himself, with unexpectedly amazing announcement

By Ali Antenna

In a completely unexpected, unforeseen and startling move that has taken the Maldives by storm and dropped jaws all over the country, incumbent President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom has revealed that he would be the presidential candidate representing the Dhivehi Rayyithunge Party (DRP) in the Presidential Elections to be held in 2008.

The President made the announcement while muttering and grumbling through a speech he had given in some island in Maldives. DO analysts and experts said that they believed the President had made the announcement in an effort to wake up the crowd that had fallen asleep almost as soon as he began the speech by saying “blah blah yakkety yakkety and more of the same ol’ same ol’”.

The news has taken all the opposition parties by total surprise, not to mention members of the DRP itself who had been expecting the President to pass away in a fateful multi-million dollar launch accident involving two bananas and the whole ocean before the end of the year. The President himself admitted that he was astonished by his announcement.

“I am astonished by my announcement,” the President said.

Later, in a personal off-the-record interview with Bakhabaru reporters, he admitted that he blamed it all on Mundhu because Mundhu had gotten the Presidential speech one of the Presidential minions had written for the occasion mixed up with his grocery list, leaving the President on the podium with nothing to say except the names of vegetables and meat.

“I blame it all on Mundhu,” the President said. “He had gotten the Presidential speech one of the Presidential minions had written for the occasion mixed up with his grocery list, leaving my Excellency on the podium with nothing to say except the names of vegetables and meat.”

The President also said that because of that he had been left on the podium speechless.

“I had been left on the podium speechless,” said the President looking forlorn. “Literally. The announcement was all I could come up with on the spot but fortunately it really woke up the audience.”

Opposition party members were quick to hide their surprise at the earth-shatteringly surprising announcement. Except for former Acting-President of the MDP Zaki, who apparently had swooned and fainted upon hearing the news. He was however back up in a few minutes, shaking his fist and calling the announcement a ‘politically motivated’ act.

MDP’s Mohamed Nasheed (Anni) however said that he was not at all worried by the announcement and said that he was still confident that the Maldivian public would elect him by a landslide in the elections of 2008. In fact, he said he was so confident about it he even revealed to Bakhabaru the Presidential speech that he had been preparing for the past several years for the occasion. He admitted that he had only managed to finish the first sentence however, but under pressure from the unrelenting stares of the Bakhabaru reporters he gave in and gave his permission to publish the sentence which was: “Ooookay… so now I’m the President… hmmm… erm… now what?”

The Maldivian public, like the political parties, were also taken completely unawares by the announcement.

“It was unbelievable,” said a man on the street. “It was completely and utterly unexpected. Like the time the President said that water was a liquid. Or that cricket is a sport. I had to be admitted at the hospital for the shock! Unbelievable!”

At the time of going to press, it is believed that the Maldivian public is gradually recovering from the shock. Many are expected to make a full recovery before the week is over.