Vice President: Desperate times calls for desperate measures

by Ismail Network

In a desperate attempt to fulfill at least one of their campaign promises, Vice President Dr Mohamed Waheed has implored the Scout Association of Maldives and Scout Movement to find a solution to the widespread drugs problem in Maldives.

Speaking at the inauguration function of the World Organisation of the Scout Movement's Asia-Pacific Regional Workshop on Public Relations and Marketing, Dr Waheed said one of the biggest dangers the people of Maldives faced was the scourge of drugs. He carefully considered what he had just said and amended that it was a distinct possibility that the biggest danger might not be the ‘scourge of drugs’ after all, but drugs itself. He said that since all the brilliant plans and ideas the MDP had suggested during the presidential campaign to combat the drugs problem had failed miserably, calling on the Scout Movement to find a solution was the Government’s last desperate attempt to appear competent.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, I always say,” Dr Waheed said, and had to stop to explain that he didn’t mean he was going to leave the country again. “The Police and the MNDF have utterly failed to put a stop to drug trafficking in this country. This is probably because they are no longer controlling the flow of drugs into the country, but that’s no excuse. Still, I’m out of options now. I’ve done everything humanly possible and still the drugs are somehow coming into the country. There must be some avenue we have not explored yet; I mean we can’t be producing it here, right?”

Before tasking the Scout Movement with the heavy responsibility, Dr Waheed buttered them up by launching into the history of the Scout Movement in Maldives. He said that the principles and values of scouting have not changed throughout the years, although specific issues it deals with have changed depending on the time and the place we lived.

“And this one such issue,” he told the scouts, who all seemed to be thinking along the lines of what-the-heck-did-I-sign-up-for. “Time and again the Scouts have proven themselves to be more efficient and adept then the Police and MNDF. Can anyone soon forget who it was who singlehandedly saved the former President from an assassination attempt? It was a scout neh? And there were hundreds of security personnel around him at the time but it was a Scout that deflected the killing strike, right?”

In his address, the Vice President admitted that President Anni’s earlier claim of a few drug-lords being responsible for all the drugs smuggled into the country was a sneaky red herring that the prankster President had lobbed to the drug-dealers in order to keep them off guard.

“However, the President was too clever for his own good and now we’re been reduced to randomly accusing anyone we arrest for drugs possession of being a drug-lord in hopes of getting somewhere,” he said. “As you’ve seen, this technique pays off handsomely every once in a while though.”

Dr Waheed also highlighted the three areas that he believed the Scout Movement in the Maldives should focus their attention in order to bring a halt to drug trafficking.

“The first area is near and around Alivaage,” Dr Waheed said. “That’s like a hot spot for all illegal activities. You must keep the area under surveillance 24 hours every day. The second areas you should concern yourself with are near and around the residences of all the Ministers of the previous administration. The third area of interest is the lagoons of Maldives. The most drugs discovered so far were found buried in the sands under a lagoon. It’s possible that it’s a new species of narcotic plant that grows underwater. One that appears to have evolved and created a symbiotic bond with the drug-lords; refining the drugs and actually packing it into neat little waterproof sacks before burying them in the sand."

The Vice President noted that there are more than ten thousand scouts in the Maldives now, more than enough to infiltrate every level of the local drugs hierarchy. He further said that we should make a commitment to recruit even more Scouts and send them to more islands. He spoke on the importance of the task that had been assigned to them, assuring them that the hunt for drugs would help the growth and development of young people and help the MDP achieve at least one of their campaign promises.

“The fate of this presidency rests upon your hands,” he told the Scouts in an emotional speech that left many a scout in tears. “Don’t let us down. Please, I implore you. Now go forth and lambaste some drug-dealer derriere.”