MDP Blames Rabid DRP Supporters for Fish Fight at Market Area

by Ahmed Satellite

A violent confrontation between MDP and DRP supporters took place near the Male' fish market area during some time or other and numerous fishes were injured and damaged in the incident. Witnesses and Bakhabaru reporters at the scene agreed that they were surprised that a fight had not broken out there earlier as it was such a perfect place for arguments to escalate into violence and people to go home bathed in free fish-guts.

However, since the fight was politically motivated, it wasn't long before each Party involved in the incident started blaming the other Party.

"It was the rabid DRP fans that started it," an MDP supporter covered in fish blood and under attack from a baby shark which was trying to take a chunk out of his buttocks said. "They had 'The White Hand of Maumoon' painted on their faces and were carrying all sorts of medieval weapons and armor. Here, I took a picture of one of them! They were mad as... well, really mad and crazy people."

It is unclear which Party supporter had thrown the first fish but it soon became a free-for-all death-match as the market area ran red with fish blood and guts, even more so than usual, and several MDP supporters were arrested just on general principles by the Maldives Police Service who didn't want to go back to the Station empty-handed, a Police officer said.

Former Chairman of Maldives Industrial Fisheries Company (MIFCO) and staunch Republican (Jumhooree) Party supporter Lo-J (sometimes lovingly referred to as Lolly Jabir also) said that it was inexcusable that the DRP was using fish as a weapon during these times.

"First they used religion as a weapon, now they are using fish. What next? The kitchen sink or the refrigerator? This is totally inexcusable." Lo-J told Bakhabaru reporters, while downing several flasks of whisky to calm his frayed nerves. "The poooor fishesh!"

Editor-in-Chief of popular spoof news website and former Demi-God, Sappe -- who had lost most of his powers after the Maldivians rejected his chosen prophet during the presidential elections on 8 October -- said that he wasn't surprised Dictator Golhaabo had resorted to such tactics.

"Despite the Maldivians having committed blasphemy by not voting for my chosen candidate (prophet) Gasim Ibrahim -- who even had the support of Adhaalath Party!!! -- I do not blame them," Sappe told Bakhabaru in a direct telepathic link. "For they truly do not know. And Golhaabo has subverted their belief in me. He has twisted the scriptures of my Holy Website, Dhivehi Observer for his own demented uses and now a lot of Maldivians actually think that I am Gasim's disciple and lackey. Others actually think that I have been reincarnated as a black poodle after the election. It's not true at all. I am not Gasim's poodle! If I was a poodle, then I am my own poodle."

Dictator Golhaabo was unavailable for comment but President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom gave a recent interview to Al-Jazeera in which he denied that there were any poor people or political prisoners in Maldives.

"How can you even believe these silly rumours and propaganda," President Gayoom asked the interviewer during the now famous 'Nononononononononono speech'. "If they were so poor would every Maldivian in Maldives be able to afford mobile phones worth over Rf5000? Would they? This is just a simple example. They aren't poor. They just want my Presidential Palace, which I built from their hard-earned money, for their own, nothing else. And as for political prisoners, how can there be political prisoners in the past when we didn't even have politics here. We just had my totalitarian rule. They either obey or they disappear. It was simple. Absolutely nononoonononono political prisoners here. You can trust me on that."