Mystery of sunken foreign fishing vessel deepens

The discovery of the blackened and charred remains of a foreign fishing vessel, found floating in the lagoon of Male harbor area behind Atolhuvehi Detention Centre, deepened when the sole surviving crew member started babbling in an unknown language upon awaking from a coma. When the foreign fishing vessel was first found by another local fishing vessel, there had been substantial evidence that the sunken boat had suffered through a lot before going down. Maldives Police Service immediately released a statement saying that they had no idea where the boat had come from and that it had been in first class condition when they had released it after arresting it two days earlier on charges of loitering around suspiciously with intent to look suspicious.

The Maldives Democratic Party immediately called on the Maldives Government to send the remains of the boat to Sri Lanka for a postmortem but their pleas have so far been ignored by the Government. Acting President of MDP, Zaki, called the act ‘politically motivated’ and a few seconds later asked: “What boat?”

According to the ‘experts’ and ‘analysts’ at Dhivehi Observer (meaning: Sappe and Sappe) the government was afraid that an autopsy would reveal that the Maldives Police had attacked and sunk the boat. A spokesperson for the government has however said that the reason why the ship had gone down was readily apparent and so there was no need for an autopsy and has called for an immediate burial. The government even requested the Indian military to send a fighter jet to Maldives in an effort to locate any relatives that might have been loitering around nearby but the search proved futile.

Earlier reports had been mixed up and it appears now that the rumors that a tiger had been found on the boat are unfounded. Using sign language, the surviving crew member was able to piece together a story for the Police that they are having a hard time believing. “Maybe we just aren’t very good at charades,” said an official who had been at the scene of the interrogation.

According to the surviving crew member, the fishing vessel had been hunting tuna in Maldives territorial waters when they had spied an especially huge Tuna. Because the sharpshooter of the foreign vessel was slightly cross-eyed the initial two shots had missed the Tuna and it had turned tail to escape. They had been pursuing the faster Tuna when a huge gray boat had appeared with guns blazing and blown the hapless vessel out of the water into smithereens. The last crew member had jumped overboard to escape and said he couldn’t recall anymore and to come back later when he was feeling less human.

The Maldives Police have said that they are investigating the case and that just like every other case they had ever worked on, the investigation will never be concluded.