Saturday, 27 February 2010
Funny Caption Contest #5
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Himandhoo School undergoing major changes
by Ismail Network
The Himandhoo School board of North Ari Atoll Himandhoo has decided to change their school uniform as the attire currently worn by students did not reflect the image the school wanted to portray. While at it, they have also decided to eliminate the need for students to buy so many books on so many subjects by condensing their whole syllabus into one book.
”It would be far more useful to read and recite our translation of the Holy Quran than reading all those other useless infidel books,” Chairperson Abdulla Jameel said. “Everything the students need to learn to have a happy and successful afterlife can be taught using just one book.”
Jameel said the decision was made after a meeting with the Parent Teacher Association (PTA) and the school’s teachers. He went on to say that the decision had nothing to do with religion and that anyone who said otherwise was a big fat liar.
”In our school we wear a uniform designed specially for Himandhoo Madharusa, but there is doubt over whether our school’s name is Himandhoo Madharusa or Himandhoo School,” he explained. “We believe it is Himandhoo Madharusa, and the uniform currently being worn by the students are not suitable for those attending a Madharusa. For one thing we can’t see the boys’ ankles and the girls’ faces and hands are clearly visible. Shocking, I know. I have to take cold showers every few hours.” He further said that they were considering changing the design of the school badge too.
”We asked the Education Ministry to clarify, but those infidels there said that the school was really called Himandhoo School, which is totally unacceptable to our students, their parents and the teachers,” he said. “But if what they allege is true, then it means the uniform being worn by the students and subjects taught now are for Himandhoo School, not Himandhoo Madharusa. Therefore, we believe it is our responsibility, nay, our duty to make the necessary changes for the good of the school and the education system of the country.”
Jameel also responded to the criticism they had been receiving for putting a stop to singing the school song during the assembly.
”Earlier there was all that hullabaloo about our school song, but it’s not something we can correct,” he said. “We came to know the school’s name was Himandhoo School but we only have the audio recording of the school song we used to sing. There’s no way we can edit that song now. It’s already on the tape! We can’t change the words and sing it again; we don’t even know who sang the original song. Clearly, we had no other option but to stop singing the song entirely.”
Jameel said that they recently begun discussions with the Education Ministry to hire demolition experts from nearby countries to teach at their school so that the students would be well equipped with the necessary skills to hasten their own journeys to the afterlife once they graduated.
The Himandhoo School board of North Ari Atoll Himandhoo has decided to change their school uniform as the attire currently worn by students did not reflect the image the school wanted to portray. While at it, they have also decided to eliminate the need for students to buy so many books on so many subjects by condensing their whole syllabus into one book.
”It would be far more useful to read and recite our translation of the Holy Quran than reading all those other useless infidel books,” Chairperson Abdulla Jameel said. “Everything the students need to learn to have a happy and successful afterlife can be taught using just one book.”
Jameel said the decision was made after a meeting with the Parent Teacher Association (PTA) and the school’s teachers. He went on to say that the decision had nothing to do with religion and that anyone who said otherwise was a big fat liar.
”In our school we wear a uniform designed specially for Himandhoo Madharusa, but there is doubt over whether our school’s name is Himandhoo Madharusa or Himandhoo School,” he explained. “We believe it is Himandhoo Madharusa, and the uniform currently being worn by the students are not suitable for those attending a Madharusa. For one thing we can’t see the boys’ ankles and the girls’ faces and hands are clearly visible. Shocking, I know. I have to take cold showers every few hours.” He further said that they were considering changing the design of the school badge too.”We asked the Education Ministry to clarify, but those infidels there said that the school was really called Himandhoo School, which is totally unacceptable to our students, their parents and the teachers,” he said. “But if what they allege is true, then it means the uniform being worn by the students and subjects taught now are for Himandhoo School, not Himandhoo Madharusa. Therefore, we believe it is our responsibility, nay, our duty to make the necessary changes for the good of the school and the education system of the country.”
Jameel also responded to the criticism they had been receiving for putting a stop to singing the school song during the assembly.
”Earlier there was all that hullabaloo about our school song, but it’s not something we can correct,” he said. “We came to know the school’s name was Himandhoo School but we only have the audio recording of the school song we used to sing. There’s no way we can edit that song now. It’s already on the tape! We can’t change the words and sing it again; we don’t even know who sang the original song. Clearly, we had no other option but to stop singing the song entirely.”
Jameel said that they recently begun discussions with the Education Ministry to hire demolition experts from nearby countries to teach at their school so that the students would be well equipped with the necessary skills to hasten their own journeys to the afterlife once they graduated.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
St Fareed warmly accepts gift of panties
by Ahmed Satellite
After refusing to comment to the media about the gifts he received on St Fareed’s Day, the Saint himself later contacted Bakhabaru in order to give his thanks to those responsible for the “lovely presents”.
“It was with great pleasure I inhaled the scent of the panties, only to find that they were, in most cases, brand new,” St Fareed told Bakhabaru reporters. “However, after some experimentation I found that the dear women who had sent them were very astute in the approximation of my underwear size. So, as a show of appreciation for their lovely gift, I have decided to wear it and display them to the world. Here, let me take this off so you can see the pa…-“
That was as far as St Fareed could go before the fearless reporters from Bakhabaru beat a hasty yet determined retreat from his presence. All except for Mohamed Headset, who stayed behind resolutely in order to “go down in a blaze of glory” (whatever that means). We were later able to extract Headset from the scene. Surgeons say that the frozen expression of horrified fascination on Headset's face could be corrected… eventually, but we consider it a major improvement.
Meanwhile, it has been reported in some newspapers that St Fareed is now hard at work trying to negotiate deals with various international magazines to do some semi-nude cover shoots. This has not been independently verified by Bakhabaru so don’t cancel those subscription just yet.
After refusing to comment to the media about the gifts he received on St Fareed’s Day, the Saint himself later contacted Bakhabaru in order to give his thanks to those responsible for the “lovely presents”.
“It was with great pleasure I inhaled the scent of the panties, only to find that they were, in most cases, brand new,” St Fareed told Bakhabaru reporters. “However, after some experimentation I found that the dear women who had sent them were very astute in the approximation of my underwear size. So, as a show of appreciation for their lovely gift, I have decided to wear it and display them to the world. Here, let me take this off so you can see the pa…-“
That was as far as St Fareed could go before the fearless reporters from Bakhabaru beat a hasty yet determined retreat from his presence. All except for Mohamed Headset, who stayed behind resolutely in order to “go down in a blaze of glory” (whatever that means). We were later able to extract Headset from the scene. Surgeons say that the frozen expression of horrified fascination on Headset's face could be corrected… eventually, but we consider it a major improvement.
Meanwhile, it has been reported in some newspapers that St Fareed is now hard at work trying to negotiate deals with various international magazines to do some semi-nude cover shoots. This has not been independently verified by Bakhabaru so don’t cancel those subscription just yet.
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